When You Have to Escalate: The Special Needs Mamma Bear’s Chronicle

Being a parent advocating for a child with disabilities has taught me that, despite all the skills and experience I’ve gained over the years, there are times when it’s simply not enough. You fight, use your voice, document everything, engage with the system, attend meeting after meeting—and still hit a wall. It’s frustrating and disheartening and can leave you feeling like you’ve failed your child.

But reaching this point is not a failure; it’s part of the journey. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the system doesn’t respond as it should. The hard truth is that sometimes you have to escalate the issue. You have to take things to the next level to get the results your child deserves.

Recently, I faced this with my son’s education. I spent five school years working with my son’s district, pushing for his needed support. I documented everything, did the research, and sat in countless meetings. While there were small wins, none led to the fundamental change we know is possible. After another meeting that left me feeling defeated, I had to accept that my son wasn’t getting the education he needed and deserved. I was tired of fighting, wishing this could be one of those wins that came without a struggle.

Later that day, I spoke with a friend who reminded me, “Fighting is kind of the job description of a special needs mamma bear.” That same evening, I was on a radio interview, talking about my new book, Raising Nathan Against All Odds: Discovering the Blessings, Joy, and Purpose in Raising a Child with Disabilities. The host asked me how I kept going. I shared how my faith anchors me and how, when Nathan was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at nine months old, I made him a promise: I would never look at him and say I wished I had done more.

That was the moment I remembered—giving up is not an option. I knew it was time to escalate.

I was reminded that day that options are always available, even if we don’t immediately see them. Escalating the issue isn’t giving up—it’s leveling up. It’s recognizing that you’ve done everything you can at one level, and now it’s time to take the next step to make real progress.

Here are some steps you can take if you find yourself in a similar situation and are unsure of where to turn next.

Understanding Escalation in Education

In the United States education context, parents have several avenues to escalate issues when they feel their child’s needs are not being met. Knowing these levels and how to use them is critical to advocating effectively for your child. Here are some options:

1. School-Level Escalation

Start by communicating with your child’s teacher and special education coordinator. If the issue isn’t resolved, escalate to the school principal. Request a formal meeting to address your concerns, which may involve the school’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) team. Document everything discussed in these meetings and follow up with written summaries.

2. District-Level Escalation

If the school is not responsive or the problem persists, you can escalate to the school district’s Special Education Director or the district’s Superintendent. You may want to formally request a review of your child’s IEP or 504 Plan at this level. Ensure all the documentation of meetings and actions taken at the school level is provided. You can also request an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) if you disagree with the school’s evaluation.

3. Mediation

Many states offer mediation services to help resolve disputes between parents and schools regarding special education. A neutral third-party mediator works with both sides to reach a solution. Mediation is voluntary and can often resolve conflicts without needing more formal processes.

4. Filing a Due Process Complaint

When mediation doesn’t work or isn’t an option, parents have the right to file a due process complaint. This is a formal legal action where a hearing officer reviews the case and decides whether the school meets its obligations under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Due process hearings can be complex, so many parents choose to hire a special education lawyer at this point.

5. Filing a State Complaint

Parents can file a formal complaint with their state’s Department of Education if they believe their child’s rights under IDEA are being violated. This written complaint outlines the issue and asks the state to investigate. The state will typically investigate and issue a decision within 60 days.

6. Office for Civil Rights (OCR) Complaint

If you believe your child is being discriminated against because of their disability, you can file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR). The OCR investigates complaints related to disability discrimination and may take action if it finds the school or district violating federal law.

7. Special Education Lawyer

When you’ve exhausted school and district-level options or are dealing with more complex legal issues, it may be time to consult a special education attorney. They can help you navigate the due process hearing or even pursue litigation if necessary. Lawyers specializing in special education are trained to help parents understand their rights and ensure their child gets the services and support they are entitled to.

Why Escalation Matters

Escalating an issue doesn’t mean you’ve failed as an advocate for your child. It’s a critical part of advocacy. The systems to support our children are often slow to respond or provide the bare minimum to check a box. Pushing those systems to work as they should is necessary, and escalating an issue is how you do it.

I took action when I realized that my son’s needs were being neglected and the system was failing him. I wrote to the district and informed them we had hired a special education lawyer. Protecting our rights is essential, especially since this is my son’s final year in public education. 

In closing, remember, the law mandates that our children receive a proper education, but it’s up to us as parents to ensure that it happens. Relying solely on the law won’t be enough; we must assertively push, advocate, and escalate when necessary. Thus, by sharing my experience and laying out these options, I hope to empower you to take the steps needed when advocacy alone isn’t enough. Know your rights, know the tools available, and don’t be afraid to escalate when the time comes.